SAN MIGUEL SHERIFF’S OFFICE

JULY 6

HELPS PASS THE TIME:  But you can’t bring contraband into jail with you.

ENJOYING THE VIEW: A car illegally parked at Bridal Veil Falls was red-tagged.

TAKES TWO: A deputy assisted the Norwood Marshal with an arrest.

SAR: An injured mountain biker was taken to the Telluride clinic for treatment.

MEDICAL ASSIST: A female who had taken too many muscle relaxers was treated at the Norwood clinic.

JULY 7

TAKE THIS JOB: An irate employee became an ex-employee and left the scene of his former employment before a deputy arrived.

BLAME IT ON THE BEAR: It was determined a bear was behind some property damage in Norwood.

NABBED: A male was apprehended in Telluride for outstanding warrants.

FOUND: Deputies escorted a lost hiker in the Bridal Veil area back to civilization.

GOOD GRASS?: An RV was reported for traveling well below the posted speed limit.

BRAWLING LIKE OASIS: Two brothers were separated following a fraternal altercation.

JULY 8

FREE RANGE: Cattle were reported in a driveway and on roadways. Cattle don’t care.

ALL’S WELL: An overdue party checked in and was fine, though running late.

BUT I LIKE IT HERE: An unwanted male refused to leave a Norwood residence, but he sure did with the help of deputies.

JULY 9

DANGEROUS PASS: A vehicle went into the opposite lane on a blind curve in order to pass a cyclist. The driver received a talking-to from a deputy on how best to execute the maneuver in the future without scaring the bejeezuz out of fellow motorists.

JULY 10

BLESS THE BEASTS: A neighbor agreed to tend to her neighbor’s critters while their human was in the pokey.

JULY 11

HEEDLESS: Campers with a fire outside an established fire ring were schooled so hard they packed up and left.

BUMPER TO BUMPER: A tailgater on the highway was contacted.

TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S DEPARTMENT

JUNE 30

REVOKED: One doesn’t even want to contemplate what it would take to piss off a librarian to the point one’s library privileges are terminated.

JULY 1

CONSISTENTLY BAD: A complaint from a motorist resulted in the offending motorist being arrested for driving with a revoked license and for being a habitual traffic offender.

JULY 2

PSSSST: A vendor was busted for illegally selling wares from a van.

IT’S LOUD IN HERRRE: A local bar received a complaint about being loud.

JULY 3

TUBULAR: Overdue tubers on a float down the San Miguel River were located and safely reunited with their people.

THE DOCTOR IS IN: Car campers received counseling on the illegality of their actions.

MEDICAL ASSIST: Officers assisted local EMS with a patient that had fallen and sustained a head injury.

JULY 4

HERB RETURNED TO PEACHES: A dog and its owner were reunited. Presumably, it felt so good.

MAYBE IT WAS ART: A van was adorned with ketchup, flour and crude words, much to the consternation of its owner.

SHERIFF BILL’S CHILLOUT LOUNGE: A motorist was arrested in a road rage incident on the Spur.

DIDN’T GET THE MEMO: Officers assisted SMSO with a report of fireworks in Hillside.

FRIENDS INDEED: An overly intoxicated individual was released to the care of friends.

JULY 5

THE TASTE OF FREEDOM: A wandering five-year-old was reunited with a parent.

ROCK ON: Two separate watering holes received noise complaints for loud music.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: An arrest was made.

JULY 6

THINNING THE HERD: Kids were reported harassing the elk herd on the Valley Floor. 

LIGHT-FINGERS LARRY: Officers took a shoplifting report.

LOST IT: TMO took reports of numerous lost items.

JULY 8

WAYNE AND GARTH ACTION: A loud party received a noise complaint.

PULL UP STAKES: Car campers were “re-routed to an appropriate location.”

JULY 9

ROCK BAND EXCESSES: A band’s tour bus driver was counseled for extended idling.

PARTY, POOPED: A loud party that was taking place outdoors was advised to take it inside.

JULY 11

STOLEN MEMORY: A truck thought stolen was a case of not remembering where it was parked.

BUH-BYE: An unwanted, overly intoxicated rude person was removed from a local venue.

EXERCISING THE RIGHT TO PASS OUT: An intoxicated person passed out in a hotel’s workout room was moved along after too many 16-ounce reps.

JULY 12

LIKE ADULTS: A minor traffic accident was handled civilly.

BAT WHISPERER: Officers captured a bat midflight at a local residence. Midflight, I tell you.