SAN MIGUEL COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE

DEC. 30

NOT THAT ABANDONED: Deputies received a report of abandoned vehicle, but when they got there it was gone.

PARKED. REALLY PARKED: The case of the car parked in Norwood with a missing front tire was turned over to the Norwood marshal.

BENCHED: There was a small bench in the middle of the road at the bottom of Keystone Hill, mystifying everyone. Deputies removed the obstruction.

FRAUD: A deputy took a report of fraud.

DEC. 31

STRANDED IN THE STORM: Into this house we're born, into this world we're thrown.

DRIVING BLIND: A motorist was pulled over for having an obstructed view. Turns out the driver earned himself a summons for driving under restraint/revoked for a previous alcohol offense and failure to present insurance.

SAR MISSION: More than 20 deputies and Search and Rescue members took part in a successful mission to extract an injured skier from the backcountry.

OH, THAT’S THE SWITCH: To turn on the car lights. Deputies know these things and are keen to share such knowledge in the name of not driving at night with one’s lights off.

SPEED RACER: Got a ticket on Highway 145.

I’M NOT DRUNK, I’M JUST DRINKING: A suspected drunk driver passed roadside tests and was sent on down the road.

GO FASTER: Unless it’s over the speed limit, then you get a ticket for your troubles.

JAN. 1

POODLE PATROL: A deputy came across a black poodle in the middle of the road near Norwood, recalled a social media post about a lost poodle and was able to return the dog to its happy owner.

BUSY DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: Deputies were kept busy on this day with numerous accidents, stranded motorists, flat tires and engine problems.

A SHOT RANG OUT: A report of shots fired turned out to be nothing nefarious.

JAN. 2

COPPER STOPPER: A deputy checked on a Telluride marshal with a flat tire in San Miguel Canyon.

JAN. 3

NO GAS: A deputy on a snowmobile investigated a report of the odor of gas near the Double Cabins area in Mountain Village. All was well. No gas leak detected.

THE ENT MOVED ALONG: A report of a tree leaning close to the highway near Priest Lake was investigated. The deputy did not see anything out of the ordinary.

I’M TELLING: A motorist was warned after another motorist complained about their driving.

GOT YOUR BACK: A deputy assisted a Telluride marshal with a reportedly agitated and intoxicated female.

JAN. 4

TAKE THIS JOB: An employer and a former employee were having a dispute. The former employee was advised not to return or trespassing charges would be the result.

SUSPICIOUS MINDS: A report of a suspicious vehicle proved unfounded as the driver of said vehicle had a perfectly good reason to be in the area.

JAN. 5

LEADFOOT LARRY: A driver on the Spur was slapped with a ticket after being caught going 60 mph in a 35 mph zone.

JAN. 6

HEY, IT WASN’T A CAVITY CHECK, WAS IT? OR WAS IT: A citizen upset with Transportation Security Administration procedures at the Telluride airport was advised to contact TSA officials.

JAN. 7

WARRANT. NOT THE HAIR BAND: A man was arrested at the county courthouse for an active felony warrant out of Mesa County.

JAN. 8

WALKIN’ MAN: A man walking along Highway 145 was given a ride from Keystone to Placerville.

JAN. 9

STOLEN PHONE: A Ridgway resident reported a phone stolen from his vehicle in Ilium. Investigation ongoing.

NOSY PARKER: A report of a suspicious vehicle parked in front of a Norwood residence turned out to a neighbor’s guest.

JAN. 10

BLOCKED ACCESS: A person reporting a vehicle was blocking access to his property was advised to have the vehicle towed.

COURTSIDE SEATS: A deputy transported an inmate to court in Gunnison.

MANY WARRANTS: A man was arrested on multiple warrants.

NOT A GOOD DAY: Following a traffic stop, a motorist was cited for driving with a cancelled/denied license, no proof of insurance and expired license plates.

JAN. 11

TRESPASSING: A Ridgway woman was cited for first-degree criminal trespass and disorderly conduct in Placerville.

SODA, POPPED: The owner of a car parked in Norwood was relieved that his shattered rear window wasn’t the result of a gunshot, but was instead caused by a glass soda bottle in the back seat that froze and exploded, causing the damage.

TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S DEPARTMENT

DEC. 29

STONED PEOPLE DON’T ACT LIKE THIS: A woman’s trip to the pokey began when a bartender refused to serve her. Thus unleashed a tidal wave of profanities, attempts to pick a fight with another woman at the bar, and a barrage of foul-mouthed objections to being asked to leave by not only management and patrons, but also her sister. Once outside, she hurled continued verbal and physical abuses on her sister, which is the point at which the local constabulary arrived on scene. The sparring sibs were separated and the main offender (which is, by the way, a great and often overlooked Keith Richards solo album) was cuffed and packaged for delivery to the county jail.

DEC. 31

WINCH WAY DID IT GO?: A woman called to report her car had been stolen, something she was sure of after checking with local tow operators to see if it had been towed. They all said no, but, as it turns out, one forgot he had, in fact, towed her car. Mystery solved.

JAN. 1

RIGHT WHERE SHE LEFT IT: My red puffy is stolen, she said. No it’s not, said management of the bar where she’d been drinking, it’s hanging where you hung it up when you arrived.

JAN. 10

SEPARATE WAYS: A man with the visible injuries to show just cause had a restraining order placed on his maybe-soon-to-be-ex-partner.

JAN. 11

MRS. HYDE’S NIGHT OUT: An officer checked on an inebriated woman sitting in a snow bank. When asked where she lived so he could see her safely home, she became exceedingly hostile, her vocabulary limited to a handful of choice words unbecoming of a human who clearly needed the offered assistance, and generally exhibited behavior that might have lesser men (it was a male officer) leave the wretched soul in the snow bank. But he didn’t. He instead sought medical help for her, but ended up having to go to the clinic to assist medical personnel there with her combative behavior and salty remonstrances. It left him no other choice than to cite her for disorderly conduct and bundle her into his patrol vehicle for a trip to the county jail. At first, she kicked and hollered, but when things got quiet — too quiet — he realized she had vomited in the backseat. At the jail she blew a sturdy .212.

JAN. 13

WARRANT ARREST: A man who was being sought by the law resisted arrest. He was inebriated, contrary to conditions of a no-alcohol warrant, tried to tell officers he wasn’t who they thought he was, and is also in hot water with immigration officials.

Editor's note: Cop shop is compiled and written by Daily Planet staff.