SAN MIGUEL SHERIFF’S OFFICE

JAN. 27

TRASHED: A garbage truck versus pickup truck accident at Highways 62 and 145 was relayed to Colorado State Patrol. Both vehicles were able to drive from the scene.

POLE DANCE: A vehicle lost traction and slid into a telephone pole.

YOU GO YOUR WAY: A non-injury accident was reported in the Aldasoro subdivision.

THE BOULDER THAT MADE COLBERT: It was large, the size of a small sedan, large enough to block the eastbound lane on Highway 145 near Silverpick Road. Due to an innocent typo, it was a large enough boulder to be compared to a large boulder. Twitter exploded. But it was not so large a snowplow couldn’t shove it off the road.

ICED: A vehicle slid off the road and into a ditch.

ICED, BABY: See above.

JAN. 28

SEMI ON ICE, THE MUSICAL: A semi truck lost traction on the highway and needed a tow to get moving again.

PASSING PAIN: A vehicle passing a garbage truck on the road leading into a valley whose name is not spoken, collided with the garbage truck and badly lost the match.

NOT PEDESTRIAN FRIENDLY: Someone walking on Norwood Hill was given a lift.

JAN. 29

SLOW DOWN: A motorist pulled over for speeding was placed into custody for driving under restraint/suspended, speeding and possession of an open marijuana container.

SIZE MATTERS: A deputy removed rocks of an unknown size from the road.

IDLE THREAT: A vehicle was left idling near Silverpick Road. All was well.

SNOOZE ALARM: When a student did not arrive home on the school bus, deputies were contacted. Turns out the student had fallen asleep on the bus. Her parents picked her up at the school.

JAN. 30

HE DIDN’T LOOK LEFT AND HE DIDN’T LOOK RIGHT: A deputy removed a dead animal from the highway.

HARASSMENT: A citizen reported a case of harassment to the sheriff’s department.

TOO FAST: A motorist going 72 in a 50 mph zone was awarded a citation for speeding.

JAN. 31

THANK YOU, OFFICER: A motorist was given a ride home after her vehicle broke down.

NO CRIME: A deputy responded to a report of attempted kidnapping at a local gas station, but the report was unfounded.

FEB. 1

LIKE HIS HAIR’S ON FIRE: Deputies were unable to locate a white SUV called in for speeding.

GOTCHA: A driver going 65 in a 45 mph zone was issued a citation.

ROCK, ROLLED: A basketball-sized rock was in the road, but when deputies arrived, it was not.

FEB. 2

GROUP W BENCH: In a case that might remind you of the classic Arlo Guthrie tune about being busted for littering, a deputy happened upon a large trash pile on the highway and was able to lift a couple names from personal items in the pile. Investigation ongoing.

I’D LIKE TO MAKE A COMPAINT: A citizen contacted the SMSO to make a complaint about and Telluride Marshal’s Department officer, but was advised to register his concerns with that department.

DUI: A motorist was stopped for weaving, refused to cooperate and drove away, finally stopping once he got to his home Down Valley. He was arrested for driving under the influence, driving with a revoked license (for alcohol violations), eluding, careless driving and violation of bond.

FEB. 3

WARRANT ARREST: A Nucla man was arrested on an out of state warrant.

CAN’T SAY IT OFTEN ENOUGH: The Social Security Administration will not call you about anything — these are all scams.

LOCKED UP: After skidding on ice near the Applebaugh curves, a motorist was able to drive off once she realized the engine had quit, not that her brakes had locked.

FEB. 4

ROCK OUT: A report of loud music in Lawson Hill could not be detected as it had been shut off before officers arrived. The subject involved was given a warning the next day.

FEB. 5

DUI ACCIDENT: Colorado State Patrol arrested the driver for driving under the influence after a single vehicle rollover.

BABY ON BOARD: A Search and Rescue member assisted a family with unlocking their running car with a child inside. All was well.

WHAT’S THE HURRY?: A motorist was cited for speeding 20-24 over the limit on Highway 145.

FEB. 6

WARRANT ISSUED: An arrest warrant was issued following an incident of domestic violence in which the suspect fled the scene.

DANGEROUS CURVES AHEAD: Multiple agencies responded to a crash near the Ophir curves. Occupants of both vehicles received medical treatment.

FEB. 7

LEAKAGE: A tour bus parked in the county lot in Lawson Hill leaked from its wastewater tank. The driver cleaned up about 3-5 gallons of the stuff. Let’s keep that as vague as possible.

ARREST: A male subject was arrested for assault and a protection order violation.

FEB. 8

AS LARGE AS LARGE MARGE: A report of a large rock in the road was filed, though the rock could not be found.

TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S DEPARTMENT

FEB. 2

HOW TO ROLL YOUR SUV ON COLORADO AVENUE: Proceed west down Colorado Avenue. Approach Davis Street. Look left (south) toward Davis Street for pedestrians. Simultaneously hit large snowbank on the right (north). If the angle and speed are optimal, your SUV will roll. The driver was fine and no citations were issued as neither speed, not driver impairment were involved. Cue social media kerfluffle.

FEB. 4

ON THE LAM: A dog at-large with tags got its owner in trouble on two counts — for being at-large and for being unlicensed. TMO offered to void the unlicensed part of the infraction if the owner would get the dog its official papers, which she did.

FEB. 8

WALKING ON BROKEN GLASS: Following a marital spat at a local watering hole, the aggrieved husband left the bar, tore down a Colorado state flag from a nearby lamppost, smashed the glass at a downtown storefront and ran off into the night. The wife wasn’t saying much, but a friend helped officers sort out the scene. The slighted spouse was soon discovered pinned against a car by the same friend who was thwarting the bleeding hubby’s attempts to drive. Officers were asked by the injured man to please shoot him and to let his wife and dog know he loved them. They declined, got him medical attention and brought him to jail. The storeowner elected to press charges.

FEB. 9

WARRANT ARREST: A man with two active failure to appear warrants denied knowing they existed, but later admitted he did while on his way to the pokey.