SAN MIGUEL SHERIFF’S OFFICE
ROLLOVER: Deputies responded to a single car rollover at the top of Norwood Hill. The driver was treated at the Norwood clinic.
AGRO NO MO’: An aggressive driver was nabbed and cited for multiple offenses.
COWS IN NEED OF A COWBOY: Loose cows were guided back to a life of confinement. Plans of making run to Mexico were scuttled.
COURTHOUSE ROCK: Deputies responded to a disturbance in progress at the county courthouse.
DOMESTIC: A Wrights Mesa resident was arrested for domestic violence and other charges.
STOPPAGE TIME: When executing a California stop, one should be aware that, if observed by the local constabulary, instructions on what a full stop actually is will occur.
HEAP O’ TROUBLE: A traffic stop for expired registration resulted in a protection order violation arrest.
EVERYTHING’S BIGGER: A Texas man earned himself three hots and a cot with his arrest for disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and resisting arrest. Yee-frickin’-haw.
CYBER JERK: A Telluride woman reported internet harassment. Investigation opened.
HIKING INJURY: A woman with an injured ankle on Bridal Veil Trail was attended to and assisted by EMS personnel.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: A Ski Ranches resident was walking her dogs between the Ski Ranches and Mountain Village and reported seeing a woman “Dressed like Indiana Jones” with two poodles who pulled a gun and threatened to shoot the dogs. The incident is under investigation.
I KNOW YOU RIDER: Gonna give you a summons when I see you driving with a revoked license.
STUCK THE LANDING: A motorist that had slid off Last Dollar Road and then got stuck in the mud got a prize for careless driving.
ASSAULT: A man was taken into custody following a report of assault at a Down Valley business.
OPHIR THERE: A citizen filed a complaint about speeding on Ophir Road and requested more patrols.
NAPPUS INTERUPTUS: A man taking a nap in the back of his pickup truck had his slumber disturbed by the report and ensuing investigation of a motionless person.
ERRATIC: What on earth did we do before cell phones dominated our lives? Did we drive better? Were we happier not caring if we missed a call? Did we enjoy the view? Relish the journey?
MAYBE HE WAS DRINKING RIDICULOUS, 90s-ERA COCKTAILS: A man reported a mudslide but there was no mudslide.
NO HONEY, YOU WERE SPEEDING: A woman called to say a speed detector was reading out incorrect speeds. Investigation showed the machine was operating correctly.
TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S OFFICE
FISTICUFFS AND HANDCUFFS: From provocation to altercation to incarceration.
FALL GUYS: Trespassers were reported at Bridal Veil Falls.
BOTTLE BLUES: A man was arrested for violation of an alcohol provision on multiple protection orders.
TEENAGED WASTELAND: An underage party in Town Park was ended by the appearance of the law who confiscated the booze.
PSST! WANNA BUY A WATCH: Illegal vending was reported.
METHED UP: Driving under the influence of drugs is a terrible idea.
THE KEYS TO MY HEART: We’re lost without our keys. Returned keys made someone overcome with joy and gratitude.
SATAN’S BUNGHOLE: No three words strike more fear and disgust in the hearts of even the most stout-hearted than ‘overflowing grease trap.”
THE TWO GO HAND IN HAND: Drunk and disorderly.
BAD ROLE MODEL: A drunken adult was removed from a school sporting event.
911 SURGE: Numerous 911hangup calls occurred on this day.
DRIVER’S ED: A number of OHV drivers were contacted and educated on local traffic ordinances.
I SEE YOU: A motorist was arrested for driving under the influence after a citizen took note of poor driving.
WHERE ARE THE BEARS?: There were no bear reports. Is it possible the local ursine community has gotten wise to the fact that TMO cops are wily and fast-acting creatures? Are dumpsters locked? (Be still my heart!) Where are they getting their calories?