SAN MIGUEL SHERIFF’S OFFICE

AUG. 23

ROLLOVER: Deputies responded to a single car rollover at the top of Norwood Hill. The driver was treated at the Norwood clinic.

AGRO NO MO’: An aggressive driver was nabbed and cited for multiple offenses.

COWS IN NEED OF A COWBOY: Loose cows were guided back to a life of confinement. Plans of making run to Mexico were scuttled.

AUG. 24

COURTHOUSE ROCK: Deputies responded to a disturbance in progress at the county courthouse.

DOMESTIC: A Wrights Mesa resident was arrested for domestic violence and other charges.

AUG. 24

STOPPAGE TIME: When executing a California stop, one should be aware that, if observed by the local constabulary, instructions on what a full stop actually is will occur.

HEAP O’ TROUBLE: A traffic stop for expired registration resulted in a protection order violation arrest.

AUG. 26

EVERYTHING’S BIGGER: A Texas man earned himself three hots and a cot with his arrest for disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and resisting arrest. Yee-frickin’-haw.

AUG. 27

CYBER JERK: A Telluride woman reported internet harassment. Investigation opened.

AUG. 28

HIKING INJURY: A woman with an injured ankle on Bridal Veil Trail was attended to and assisted by EMS personnel.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: A Ski Ranches resident was walking her dogs between the Ski Ranches and Mountain Village and reported seeing a woman “Dressed like Indiana Jones” with two poodles who pulled a gun and threatened to shoot the dogs. The incident is under investigation.

AUG. 29

I KNOW YOU RIDER: Gonna give you a summons when I see you driving with a revoked license.

AUG. 30

STUCK THE LANDING: A motorist that had slid off Last Dollar Road and then got stuck in the mud got a prize for careless driving.

ASSAULT: A man was taken into custody following a report of assault at a Down Valley business.

OPHIR THERE: A citizen filed a complaint about speeding on Ophir Road and requested more patrols.

AUG. 31

NAPPUS INTERUPTUS: A man taking a nap in the back of his pickup truck had his slumber disturbed by the report and ensuing investigation of a motionless person.

 SEPT. 1

ERRATIC: What on earth did we do before cell phones dominated our lives? Did we drive better? Were we happier not caring if we missed a call? Did we enjoy the view? Relish the journey?

SEPT. 2

MAYBE HE WAS DRINKING RIDICULOUS, 90s-ERA COCKTAILS: A man reported a mudslide but there was no mudslide.

SEPT. 5

NO HONEY, YOU WERE SPEEDING: A woman called to say a speed detector was reading out incorrect speeds. Investigation showed the machine was operating correctly.

TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S OFFICE

AUG. 26

FISTICUFFS AND HANDCUFFS: From provocation to altercation to incarceration.

FALL GUYS: Trespassers were reported at Bridal Veil Falls.

AUG. 27

BOTTLE BLUES: A man was arrested for violation of an alcohol provision on multiple protection orders.

AUG. 28

TEENAGED WASTELAND: An underage party in Town Park was ended by the appearance of the law who confiscated the booze.

AUG. 29

PSST! WANNA BUY A WATCH: Illegal vending was reported.

METHED UP: Driving under the influence of drugs is a terrible idea.

AUG. 30

THE KEYS TO MY HEART: We’re lost without our keys. Returned keys made someone overcome with joy and gratitude.

SATAN’S BUNGHOLE: No three words strike more fear and disgust in the hearts of even the most stout-hearted than ‘overflowing grease trap.”

AUG. 31

THE TWO GO HAND IN HAND: Drunk and disorderly.

SEPT. 2

BAD ROLE MODEL: A drunken adult was removed from a school sporting event.

SEPT. 3

911 SURGE: Numerous 911hangup calls occurred on this day.

SEPT. 4

DRIVER’S ED: A number of OHV drivers were contacted and educated on local traffic ordinances.

SEPT. 6

I SEE YOU: A motorist was arrested for driving under the influence after a citizen took note of poor driving.

WHERE ARE THE BEARS?: There were no bear reports. Is it possible the local ursine community has gotten wise to the fact that TMO cops are wily and fast-acting creatures? Are dumpsters locked? (Be still my heart!) Where are they getting their calories?