SAN MIGUEL COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE

JULY 15

GOTCHA: Following a REDDI report (Report Every Drunk Driver Immediately), a 45-year-old Montrose man was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol.

AND YOU, TOO: A 41-year-old Broomfield man was arrested for driving under the influence of drugs.

UNHAPPY CAMPER: Following a verbal altercation at the Mary E. Campground, one of the subjects allegedly left in a vehicle and may have been intoxicated. The subject could not be located.

JULY 16

BLACK OPS?: The driver of a black motorcycle was called in as driving recklessly, but could not be located.

IT BURNS: A controlled burn on Hastings Mesa had not been reported to dispatch as county ordinances require.

JULY 17

UNDER CONTROL: A wildfire in the Nelson Ditch area was brought under control by Norwood and Placerville Fire and crews from the BLM.

JULY 18

DEAR DIARY: A deputy on patrol shortly after midnight was searching for a vehicle reportedly stolen in Montezuma County. The deputy noticed a suspicious vehicle, not resembling the stolen vehicle, near Society Turn. When the deputy turned around to check the car, the driver took off and very quickly crashed into the ditch. The occupants were two intoxicated juvenile girls. Telluride ambulance transported them to the med center. Investigation revealed these suspects had reportedly stolen a vehicle in Cortez, and then wrecked it in Dolores. In Dolores, they carjacked a vehicle from an elderly person, drove over Lizard Head Pass, then wrecked that car near Matterhorn. They made it into Telluride somehow, where they stole yet another car, the one they crashed trying to run from the deputy, ending their crime spree. Montezuma County deputies arrived and took them into custody for charges there. Multiple charges are pending in San Miguel County.

SELF-HELP: Deputies assisted the Norwood Marshal with a call from a man requesting medical assistance and telling officers he was on meth. A baggie containing what appeared to be crystal meth was given to officers and the man was transported to Montrose for medical help.

JULY 19

CRUEL: After receiving a call about an abandoned campsite, deputies discovered unattended animals in a trailer and gave them water. The case was turned over to the Forest Service.

REUNITED: Two dogs running free were reunited with their human. Unknown if it felt so good.

FRAUDULENT: The Social Security Administration will never call you, so if someone says they’re from SSA, report the call, as a gentlemen from Norwood wisely did.

SHEEPISH: Loose sheep in Norwood were safely herded back to where they belonged.

JULY 20

BARN FIRE: A barn in the Norwood area burned. No injuries were reported.

ZIP IT: A resident complained about a barking dog in Ski Ranches and deputies spoke with the dog’s owner.

JULY 21

PASSED THE TEST: A bad driver was reported in the Norwood area. When deputies caught up to the vehicle, the driver had consumed marijuana, but performed roadside tests successfully. A warning was issued for crappy driving.

JULY 22

SEARCH AND RESCUED: An injured cyclist on the Galloping Goose Trail near Ames was transported to the clinic with a possible broken ankle.

BLOODY NOSE: A Lawson Hill resident bleeding profusely from the nose and mouth and having trouble breathing was determined to have a severe bloody nose and was transported to the clinic for treatment.

BOVINE BLISS: Wandering down the road, away from the herd, minding my own business and, then boom, back to confinement. What about my rights?!?!?

JULY 23

ALL GOOD DEEDS: A man who had given a lift to a hitchhiker reported his cellphone missing.

JULY 24

REVOCATION BLUES: A Nucla man with a revoked license was arrested in Norwood.

JULY 25

AGRO: A motorist was called in for driving aggressively and making bad passes, but could not be located.

UNCIVILIZED: A citizen was advised that their legitimate complaint about not being paid for work performed was a civil matter.

GOT ‘IM: A deputy found and cited a reckless driver for speeding and unsafe passing.

HOW NOW: A footloose and fancy-free cow was on the highway but jumped over a fence into a pasture, putting an end to its short-lived freedom.

JULY 26

NOT RUDE, JUST RACING: A citizen reported numerous bikers not yielding or slowing for hikers on a local trail. It was determined they were racing and the forest service was notified.

LIGHTNING ON THUNDER: A small lightning-caused fire in the Thunder Trails area was extinguished by deputies and Forest Service personnel.

LIGHT FINGERS LOUIE: Deputies assisted the Telluride marshals with a foot pursuit of a shoplifter. An individual was taken into custody.

HEAVY WEATHER: The county fairgrounds were evacuated due to dangerous weather conditions.

MUDDY WATERS: Fall Creek Road was closed, the result of a mudslide.

JULY 27

COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT: A Norwood citizen called to complain about her neighbor’s cows, though the report does not reveal what they were doing to merit a call to the authorities.

FOUND: A missing person whose car was located, was found safe at home in Grand Junction.

TIMBER: A violent microburst took down a tree in Lawson Hill, obstructing the road.

LAID IT DOWN: A single vehicle motorcycle wreck necessitated an ambulance trip to the med center for the rider.

ROUGH WATER: A child was ejected from an inner tube on the San Miguel River, but was recovered and safe by the time deputies arrived.

JULY 28

OLD DOG: An older, ailing dog — thought to be injured — was reclined in front of a Norwood business. He was returned home to his owner.

MEDICAL ASSIST: Deputies responded to a report of an unconscious, breathing male on the bank of the river near mile-marker 75.5 on Highway 145. It was determined that the male subject had consumed an excessive amount of alcohol while rafting and was from a warmer state with a lower altitude. The combination of alcohol, cold water and high altitude incapacitated the male subject. He was transported by ambulance to Montrose hospital.

TELLURIDE MARSHAL’S DEPARTMENT

JULY 12

A VERITABLE ILLICIT PHARMACY: A man was arrested for having many different kinds of drugs in his possession, namely psychedelic mushrooms, LSD, MDMA and cocaine.

JULY 13

LOTS OF DRUGS: A man was arrested for having many different kinds of drugs in his possession, namely, cocaine, ketamine, LSD, clonezepam and psychedelic mushrooms.

IS THERE AN ECHO IN HERE?: A man was arrested for having many different kinds of drugs in his possession, namely, cocaine, meth, fentanyl and paraphernalia associated with the consumption of said drugs, including a used needle.

OVERHEATED: An officer, looking in on the welfare of a couple with the hood of their vehicle up, found the pair had warrants outstanding. He also found they were in possession of meth and MDMA.

TONGUE-LASHING: A man was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol and gave the arresting officer an earful throughout the whole process.

LIKE A SWORD OF DAMOCLES: A man was arrested on an outstanding warrant.

SMASH BURGER: A man was arrested for driving under the influence after smashing into a parked car in front of a local burger joint. When the officer asked him, on a scale of 1-10, how inebriated he thought he was, he said, “Three.” It was the magic number for a ride to a bright, cool place to sleep it off.

JULY 14

A BAG OF ALTERED PERCEPTION: A man was busted for possession of magic mushrooms.

THE WHITE STUFF IS THE WRONG STUFF: A man was taken into custody for trespassing at a recent festival, refusing to leave and then for having cocaine in his possession.

JULY 15

HOPEFULLY IT’S LABELED PROPERLY: The local constabulary was notified that a citizen had witnessed a neighbor who failed to clean up after his dog. The citizen collected the neglected poop, bagged it and froze it and informed the authorities, which duly noted it in the notebook that the press is allowed to look at. Of course, it made Cop Shop.

WELL, IT IS PRETTY GOOD: A man was busted for shoplifting sushi from a local food market.

JULY 16

LIFTY: A man was busted for shoplifting at a local grocery dispensary.

JULY 17

SLUGGER: A transient was collared for assaulting a man on the River Trail.

JULY 22

WOBBLY: A man was arrested for driving under the influence after doing poorly on roadside tests. He, too, gave his buzz a three on a scale of 1-10. He blew a .189.

Editor's note: Cop Shop is compiled and written by Daily Planet staff.